So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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