First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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