I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
