my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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