I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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