i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
