you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
