can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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