i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He has the fingertips of a God
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