well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
