All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
