Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize