I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
