Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
