My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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