I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
