I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
