apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
