What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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