Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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