just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
