Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
