i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
