Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
