well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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