I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
