so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
And then he peed in my hair
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