She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
