I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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