please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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