She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize