Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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