trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
