It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
