Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
