Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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