i just had sex bonerless
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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