haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
