after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
