I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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