Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
