Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
