I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
