I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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