I want to have your abortion
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
