I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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