Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
