I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize