lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
