my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
