i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
