i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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