ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
