I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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