You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
