i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize