This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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