my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
