I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
nutella sex= disaster
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
