you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
