I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
