I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
