rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize