He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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