I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
this is an emotional support booty call
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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