Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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