My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize