he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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