How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize